8:16 PM 
I went online last night only to find everyone's (amigas) status messages as either they feel sad or their crying. Please read this. I used Celina's link for easier access, but if you must read the content in its most original form, go here and look for "The Lunch Table"
Jax, Celina, and Danielle's status msgs were something about a lunch table and Celina was plugging Danielle's blog. I didn't go there immediately because last week, I haven't been joining our usual lunch table because of certain reasons (like rushing some hw and/or studying for a quiz with my classmates) so I thought that it had nothing to do with me. Then Jax asked me if I've read Danielle's blog already, so I got curious and I opened it at once. Being the slow person that I am, I read the wrong entry (the "Kwentong Crush") and wondered, what the hell is wrong with this entry? then I scrolled down some more and I saw "The Lunch Table". Upon reading the very first paragraph, I knew at once that it was going to be very, very long - and being the very impatient person that I am, disregarded the fact that Danielle wrote it with all her sweat and tears (haha). But I read it anyway. I got confused with the pseudonyms Danielle used, such as the Guitarists, the Nerds, the Angels, the Outsiders, and the Commoners; but with Jax's and Celina's explanation afterwards, I read it again and it made a whole lot of sense...
I felt guilty. Guilty because I know for myself that I haven't been joining them, guiltly because I know I have shunned them, and guilty because I was one of the very first people to join that table. I was tearing, because everything that happened to me last year - everything that happened to me in that table - all came back, crushing me, wave after wave as I continued to read. I felt super bad. Danielle was is my bestfriend and she just recently told me something that goes like "Wala akong bestfriend sa class kasi lahat sila may kanya-kayang bestfriend tapos nawala ka pa sa pilot" and knowing that she posted "The Lunch Table" made me realize that she is lonely. And I think that is enough reason to consider myself as a bad bestfriend.
Then I read Jax's blog. This was an issue that occured long ago. Everything is OK already right now, but her entry made things clearer. I already knew why she got mad at us, so I just had to swallow everything while reading it. It was like forcing yourself to eat something which you know tastes bad. Again, something to consider me as a bad bestfriend, because the secrets she was reffering to was mine, and I only shared them with Danielle. I never really thought of sharing them with Jax, because i always thought of Danielle as the one who was much closer to me, and that Jax didn't really need to know (ok, that sounded harsh). So in other words, I was basically the root of it. Then came the time that Danielle and I officially knew that Jax was mad at us. We were pretty much confused at everything that happened, and we wanted to settle things down with her, but everytime we'd get the chance to, it's either we chicken out, or that Jax will ignore us. And that is hat made things more difficult. Danielle and I thought that this was the end for us 3. So we never really did anything anymore. Then I posted something here in my blog before (or was it in my xanga). Something about me not knowing, ergo not caring. This was when I started to actually ignore Jax. One of Jax's friends told me about this, that Jax actually read it and it just made everything more chaotic. blah blah blah. It went one for months. Come our last RHGP session, we had a sort of, confessing time. We had to confess everything that involved the class. I had the idea of apologizing to Jax, but i was really afraid of what might happen - she might ignore me and I would thus make myself a big fool. Happy was the one speaking, crying over something that made me also cry. She was apologizing to someone, and that's when I thought, "Maybe if happy could do it, then why not I?" so I decided to go after her. When my turn came, I was standing in the middle of the circle. I started to tell something about me not liking this section during the first few weeks of class, just to divert my feelings. But I couldn't take it anymore. I was already crying, and the weirdest thing just happened to me: i lost track of my speech and the next I knew, Mrs. Fule was saying something to Danielle, who was crying. I was saying something which my conscious mind could not understand, I was looking at Danielle who was now bent down, crying. Then I took a glimpse of Jax, but i couldn't paint her face. So I decided, to finish things and I just stood there, then Jax hugged me. Things went fine after that, but things never really did stay the same anymore, just as Jax has said.
I've learned one lesson. That life is serious, and friendship is something in life that must never be taken for granted.
"People with the greatest impact will leave footsteps that can never be erased, eroded or washed away." - Danielle
